An aspiring artist in search of a path that reflects her strength
TODAY, I was engaged in a conversation with a friend of mine and suddenly I started feeling aggravated…… then I put a full stop to the conversation and sat aside thinking and analysing the reason of a sudden mood swing.
After analyzing my state of mind, I came to know that there were thousands of feelings and thoughts which were bumping my head and the inability to express them cause the exasperation that I felt.
This world is a place of clamour, where people will only look at you through the noises you made. If you are silent then you are doomed. People say ‘silence is a language’, but who is going to understand this language? There are thousands of language seekers in this world then why do we need a translator to understand words and wisdom of silence?
Yeah, we all have dual personalities. Even the happiest ones can fall into a pit of darkness when the only thing they need is a hand of compassion and even their closest ones can’t comply with that.
If you left with your silence then you have opened all the doors of personal perception and interpretation for everyone. They’ll take it and mould it in any shape suitable for them because guess what? You didn’t use actual words to describe your feelings? You weren’t actually a person who would just open open up so easily. Slowly and gradually your thoughts become your drugs. You take them and then they feed on you, you can’t help it but fall more and more in that dark pit and become shallow. It’s like everything is good while you are speaking but the moment you go silent, nobody can hear you because this is the language that everyone claims but no one understands.
Today something shattered inside me Was it hope? Was it trust? Was it my heart? Oh.....it was everything. Today I tasted the truth of life It was like getting a bullet straight into my head But I'm still alive counting my sins while drowning in the ocean of sorrows, more and more everyday. They say I'm not responsible, That i need to work on my issues even labelled me as a self-absorbed person They lost their trust in me & now I'm loosing the rope of hope. Today I felt like I don't know anyone The truth that I can't hide anymore Please stand with me because, I can't do this all alone. Mother, I'm falling off the cliff I'm losing myself Help me!!! oh..mother..I still love you I still cry for you please save me from my monsters they are dragging me into the deep dark pit killing me day by day I'm choking I'm dying I'm being introduced to the darkest side of mine I don't want it This....is not me Please don't turn your back on me I don't feel like talking to anyone but you... I'm cutting myself from everyone I'm scared, I'm alone Your little girl is still there Please rescue me from my demons.
Do you ever face a continuous feeling of guilt in your mind? a guilt which has no point, no end and is born with an amazing fact of ‘NO REASON’. You just want to pull it out of your mind and throw in a dark coffin but somehow you are not able to do it.
Here is one short poem that I left incomplete 2 weeks ago, but as the feelings are back so my thoughts….
Somewhere in the darkness of my heart….I feel safe
somewhere in the clamour of the world….I feel silence
somewhere on the moving highways….I feel still
somewhere in the fields….I feel trapped
somewhere on the peak of mountain….I feel low
somewhere in my dreams….I feel scared
somewhere in the appreciation of people….I feel useless
somewhere in the happiness of a song….I feel pain
somewhere in the throng….I feel alone
somewhere standing in the most heavy rains….I feel dry
somewhere in the calmness of nature…I feel restless
somewhere in the beautiful moonlight….I feel ugly
somewhere in the spotlight….I feel vanished
somewhere in the lively environment….I feel tired
somewhere in my memories….I feel lost……
FEMINISM whenever this word strikes in front of some people, a row of discernments take birth in their minds having a face of both hypocritic and illogical thoughts related to modernization. For instance, our country has moved so far in the field of development and still going on and on to conquer new aspects of this particular word.
But the question is that… does only materialistic and objective development is enough for our country?
OFCOURSE NOT!! The development will remain incomplete until and unless psychological development will not follow it in a parallel mode. Though the fact that not all people keep an orthodox thinking but still the figures are so high.
I was sitting at the corner of my roof
Muddled, unbalanced, dejected
DEJECTED from something about which I had no clue
And REJECTED by my own self.
Yeah…I carry my pride, I stand tall
But sometimes I feel small.
‘DEPRESSION’, basically a state of mind in which a person fails to visualize the positive aspects of life and becomes a pessimist.
From past few years, I am astounded to see the drastically increasing ratios of YOUTH DEPRESSION which is continuously resulting in vast numbers of suicidal attempts. Now the question is what are the reason for this huge step??
This is true that all of us have our personal life and to be honest it constitutes a major part of our love life, carrier and burden of studies, back to back failures in getting the opportunities, family issues and a lot more.
THIS IS THE STORY OF A GIRL….A GIRL, holding her ambitions in her eyes walked out of her building to show the world her dreams, her passion, her strength, her capabilities.
SHE WAS YOUNG
SHE WAS BOLD
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL
SHE WAS FEARLESS
She was lying on her bed…yes ON HER BED because she was getting used to it just day by day. The starting days were difficult to pass specially when one doesn’t know about what’s happening . But as the days passed, the environment started to become familiar for her as she was also getting an idea about the happenings that took place from last few weeks. There was everything in her room that she loved , her little polar bear without whom she would probably feel insomnia, her ipod with her favorite jams,
‘HOPE’, the word which gives strength when one is loosing it’s ground ,the ray of optimism in the most pessimism situation , the reason to get up and experience life again , the power of mind and soul.
When arduous situations forces you to fall down , when you get startled and feel that the night will gulp you, when you feel that all the doors are shut for you then ALWAYS REMEMBER , there is no situation which has no solution , there is always a sunny day waiting for you after a dark horrifying night to embrace you with it’s glory and there is always a door which is open for you, called the DOOR OF HOPE.
The Budding Flower 